My Crazy Double Life

17 Nov

So for the past few weeks, I have met a lot of people. Like more people than I’ve met in YEARS. And they all seem to ask me the same line of questioning in the same order.

Random person: “Where you from, gurllll?”

Me: “USA, mofo!”

Random Person: “Obv, like where in the USA?”

Me: “Boston!”

Random Person: “Oh Bahhhstannn?! Like Affleck/Damon/Whalberg Boston? Do you like [insert championship sports team here]?”

Me: “Heck yes I do!”

Random Person: “Whoa! So what are you doing in Prague?”

Me: “Well, I moved here alone 2 months after graduating from college. I didn’t know anyone here. I don’t speak Czech. But now I teach preschoolers English during the day & lead the pub crawls at night.”

Random Person: [pauses] “…Wow. You live the most awesome life.”

It only took me having this conversation 20something times in order to realize just how true their words were I do live the most awesome life. I made my dream of living in Europe a reality. Instead of just talking & hoping ‘someday’, I got on that plane & made a huge change in my life. I spend all day enriching the impressionable young minds of the future, & spend the night broadening the cultural horizons of all those who venture to Prague.

Just kidding!

I actually get my hair pulled all day & deal with temper tantrums then at night I get harassed by drunk tourists & puked on.Image(Above: In an ideal world the society one would be me at school, but yes, the final one is accurate as well)

 But it’s really not as bad as it sounds. I equally love both my jobs. Neither one is necessarily ‘easy’, I mean they definitely have their cons, but they are both awesome in different ways. & They are actually curiously similar in many ways too such as…

1. NO ONE LISTENS TO ME

Whether you are a 4-year-old child who knows -1% of the English language or a herd of Brazilians who just drank their weight in Absinthe, the last thing you want to do is have some blonde American girl sternly instructing you. I know it’s overwhelming. Because you either have no idea what I’m saying, or you have just drank so much you don’t know what anyone is saying. So you try to reason with me & extend the olive branch of communication. If you’re the 4-year-old you will do this in Czech, you will give me a 5minute animated dialogue full of questions, which will never be answered because YOU ARE HERE TO LEARN ENGLISH. If you’re the Brazilians you will try & shhhs your friends chanting Ole Ole Ole in the streets upon making eye contact with me, but chances are our temporary pact will be broken again in 5minutes once someone begins a new chant. Once the olive branch has been rejected all hell breaks loose. 

Moral of story: screaming at children to stop running/screaming at pub crawlers to stop yelling seems to only get me sore throats & a strong urge to accidentally push someone into moving traffic.

Image(Above: Why yes, yes it is…if you’re not stupid enough to f it all up within the first hour…)

2. Simple Tasks Become Grand Feats

Have you ever tried to catch a chicken? Like you chase it around & back & forth until you finally might be able to pounce on it. Well I have never tried to catch a chicken, but I assume that trying to get a class of super rambunctious 5-year-olds to all sit in a circle is like this. x 7. Because all they want to do is run…& flip over tables…& throw things at my head. Ohhh teaching. Seriously, kids, this is not rocket science. JUST. SIT. DOWN. & shut up. & repeat things I say to you in English! Pub crawlers, aka my giant group of drunk children also seem to have trouble with simple tasks. My favorite exchange is the free welcome shot they all get upon arriving to the bars.

Me: “Guys, please take your shot & then throw it in the trash right here”

Pub crawler: “What is this?”

Me: “Um, I don’t know…I think vodka”

Pub crawler: “ewww…vodka? as in alcohol? you’re making me drink alcohol on this pub crawl?! I don’t want this. That first shot we had at the first place, yeah that was good…but this…tell your manager we should have something different…like maybe tequila or something really expensive to feed in bulk to 200+ people…yeah”

Me: “Come on, please take the shot or go, there’s people behind you…”

Pub crawler: “Whoa, fiesty…what’s your name? Where are you from?…will you take this shot with me…? come on…”

Me: “No.”

Then the pub crawler takes the shot, makes a face at the Burnett’s/Rubinoff hybrid liquid, then walks away defeated, making sad eyes at me. It’s actually hilarious. I see this exchange so many times a night & am always amazed at how difficult it is for someone people to just follow directions. 

Image(Above: I promise I am actually an awesome teacher)

3. Your skin gets real thick real fast

After living in Paris for a while I was used to/anticipated that European coldness. The Czech Republic was no different. I soon learned that rudeness is just a daily thing & you can’t take things so personally. My normal approach to rudeness in the United States is the back down mode, I avoid the confrontation & apologize. In Europe that doesn’t work. In Europe you need to serve that ish right back. Luckily I have plenty of practice with both my jobs. At the preschool I am used to children misbehaving & parents constantly disapproving of me. But I soon learned it’s not the end of the world. Because kids forget about it in 5 seconds & the parents keep sending the kids so I guess my classes aren’t so bad after all.

Pub crawl also nightly forces me to stand up for myself. This job is not for quiet timid people. You need to be assertive & authoritative. Even when 6 foot tall drunk guys are slurring awful names at you because you’re telling them they can’t bring their drinks on the street. I deal with this nightly. Being fondled & called awful things. My response: “Hey, let me see you try that again…see how many fingers you leave here with tonight.” I am becoming very scrappy to say the least. My boss already told us, “Girls, you are in Europe, men will be disrespectful to you. If you need my help, I have your back, but I give you permission to handle things on your own too”. Talk about a solid employer relationship! So yes, I will party with you, drink with you, dance with you, but if you are impolite to me, I will stand up for myself.

4. Endless Drama: Meltdowns, fights & too many shots

I think pub crawls are a great thing. They promise you one wild night of partying in some of the best bars & clubs, while you get to meet people from all over the world. Our pub crawl is even more special: for the price of $25 you get one full hour of UNLIMITED beer, wine, vodka & absinthe shots. Do you know how much alcohol that is? too much. Follow that up with 2-3bars afterwards where you get a free shot at the door (which you will complain to me about/spill on me/demand I take with you), then free entry into a 5-story club, one of the BIGGEST in Europe. Sounds like a great night, right? If you can handle it. Here’s my advice to you pub crawlers: it’s a marathon, not a sprint. As in there is a special place in hell for the people who come to sign up for the pub crawl & are already drinking. WHY?! You do not need to pregame this night! Because if you’re a guy chances are I am going to be yelling at you to stop chanting/touching me later & if you’re a girl then I am going to have to physically help you walk on the cobblestones to the next bar since you so wisely chose to wear STILETTOS as you sob & confess wayyyy too many personal things to me about your life.

So everyone, do yourself a favor & pace yourself. It’s exciting & fun but you don’t want to go so hard that you don’t even get your moneys worth. I have seen people puke their brains out at the first bar, get into fist fights in the bar, & have ENDLESS drinks spilled all over me. It’s not fun. Oh, & this is all after I’ve spent the day breaking up/diffusing children crying & flipping out. Basically, everyone, just get it together & we will all be jussst fine.

Image(Above: what you see–wow, fun! what i see–which one of you will puke on me tonight?)

5. The ‘Aha!’ Moment

So right now you’re probably thinking ‘Wow Jessi you sound miserable, why don’t you just quit?!’ Well, that’s where you’re wrong, dear reader. As I said at the beginning, I equally love both my jobs.I really do. Sure the kids don’t listen sometimes but it’s an overwhelming experience for them, having some girl speak a language they barely know all day to them. I love kids. That’s why I chose to teach preschool & not adults. Because even when we have a rough day, they forget about it in 5 seconds & are hugging me goodbye at the end of class or drawing me pictures (which I have begun decorating my bedroom walls with). & it’s all worth it. 

Same with pub crawl. Yes, drunk people can be annoying, but then I think about Jessayyy (& omg MESSAYYY) & realize that most of them are doing a lot better than I would be if I was forced to drink that much. Pub crawl has a lot of perks too. My co-workers are awesome, I get free beer at all the bars & can dance all night in the club. Plus the people I have met are so cool. Some travel all over the world & have wonderful stories & life experiences. I love being social & nightly meeting so many new friends (& beautiful men) 😉 Overall it’s a great job & has actually both curbed my own partying & SAVED me money. If your job is to party all night/you get home between 2-4am, then trust me, on your nights off all you want to do is sleep.

So there you have it. That’s what I’ve been up to these days. I wake up, teach children all day then head off to my second job where I lead pub crawls all night. Different jobs exact same skill set. But I am having fun & happy, not to mention making decent money now. I never imagined that my life would be like this over here in Prague, but now I realize it really is, like everyone says, pretty freakin’ awesome!

-JG 🙂

 

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6 Responses to “My Crazy Double Life”

  1. mcgilvraysamantha November 17, 2013 at 2:03 pm #

    You’re pretty freakin’ awesome, Jessi! Keep up the good work! 🙂

  2. Maureen Graves November 26, 2013 at 1:03 am #

    These blog stories should be made into a book or movie, it reminds me of a combination of the movies, “Sisters of the Traveling Pants, Eat, Pray and Love, and Under the Tucson Sun.” It is wonderful captivating reading that takes me away. Thank You

    • Maureen Graves November 26, 2013 at 2:24 am #

      What can be moderated? I said it all. I loved the blog

    • jgravesss November 26, 2013 at 9:54 am #

      Thanks, Mom! Love you

  3. ronald stacy December 9, 2013 at 12:19 am #

    This is the second time I read this and it still is great. Of course at the time there was no
    new blog from you. Can’t wait to get the next one.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Love On A Pub Crawl, Is It Possible? - 1stAngel Arts Magazine - November 20, 2013

    […] My Crazy Double Life […]

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