Get Your Freak On

8 Sep

As crazy, rambunctious & outgoing as I seem, I have always had morals. Taught the difference between right & wrong at a very young age, my conscience & I have always had a solid relationship. I have never cheated on a test, I don’t take things that aren’t mine & I know that a sincere apology can go a long way. My moral compass works over time. This has worked really well for me the past 22.5 years & allowed me to learn to love myself, I mean for the most part. I know what I stand for & what kind of person I am & accept it.

Only problem? Sometimes not everyone else does.

I went through my “awkward stage” between 10-12 I guess. Mama G thought too-short bangs were a good look & I had virtually no clue what the world thought of me. It was rough. I had really bad acne & became cripplingly self-conscious (on top of already having the usual body image issues). Pair that with mean girl drama & JG almost never made it to high school. 

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(Above: I have always been a little out there, & am damn proud of it)

 During high school, I was lucky though, I was surrounded by people just as different as me. My friends were an assortment of crazy characters from all over the world. They loved me & accepted me. During this time I discovered my love for acting & did several plays. I felt at home on the stage & in the spotlight. I have always been drawn to odd celebrity personalities: Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Iggy Azalea, Conor Oberst, Marilyn Manson, Taylor Momson–the stranger you are, the more I will like you. Pretending to be someone else & taking on a character persona has always come naturally to me too. 

High school wasn’t a rough time for me. I was already pretty sure of who I was by then. Of course I made a few dumb decisions when I started drinking for the first few times, but my conscience never left my side. I was coming into my own. College was the same way. I found people just as unique as myself & made life lasting friendships. I never really felt the need to change who I was so people would like me. 

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(Above: Safari party. I mean who WOULDN’T want to be my friend with face paint like that?)

But during my college years was when I truly realized just how hard it is to be different in our world. It broke my heart to see people brutally bullied, physically attacked & slandered all because of who they were. From this moment on, I did everything I could to stop bullying & educated others about acceptance. I wrote a book in Creative Writing class about the topic that basically changed my life. This is such a bigger issue than people like to believe. 

Lady Gaga, my idol, is one of the most accepting famous people I know. Quick: what did you immediately think of when I simply mentioned her name? She’s crazy? She’s a freak? She’s weird? Shame on you. That’s decades of ‘cultural normalcy’ beaten into your brain. So you viciously judge people from afar. WTF has society done for you, dear reader? Besides tell you you’re overweight, you need to dress in expensive clothes & buy certain toothpastes, face creams & hair products just to get laid? We’re all in the same boat, here. We are all constantly battling outside forces telling us we’re not good enough. We are all searching for self love. We all just want to be ourselves.

Image(‘I just wanna be free, I just wanna be me. I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties. I don’t wanna change & I don’t wanna be ashamed…’)

Traveling to Prague & being thrown head first into young adult life has made me feel like I am 12 years old again. Meeting so many new people & just wanting them to like me. My first impression, like Gaga’s, can go both ways: people either automatically like me or are completely terrified of me. I am loud. I am hyper. I am excited & a little over the top. But I am a good person. I am a good friend. & I shouldn’t have to justify this for anyone. I will keep wearing crazy makeup to parties. I will always be the first to go up & sing karaoke. I will keep being myself, regardless of what you & your insecurities think about it.

I can be Minnie Mouse…Image

 

…and have beach side skeleton photo shoots…

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…or wear more than just animal print to a jungle party…

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…or be a guidette princess for Jerzday…

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…or my greatest role model of all.

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This is who I am. I am weird, I am unique, I am special. But I am happy.

Can you say the same about yourself? Can you wear what you want, say what you want, behave how you want? Or are you too afraid of what others might say? Be yourself. It may take you years & years to be happy or comfortable in your skin, & you may still have moments of weakness. But let me tell you, dear readers, like Gaga said,

You were born this way.

& You are BEAUTIFUL.

-JG 🙂

 

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2 Responses to “Get Your Freak On”

  1. Karady September 8, 2013 at 10:47 am #

    loved this Jessi 🙂

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